How to give consequences to Chispa?

What consequences do we give Chispa? Chispa certainly saw Changa howling, and crying, and got to spend a solid 2 hours in Kaiser Minor Injury Clinic. So she saw clear results. But she at first suspiciously just said, "I can go tell on Changa and tell Mommy and Daddy when Changa does That Bad Thing next time." That was another hint she'd had a part. So she saw the natural consequence at Kaiser, but Chispa is not terribly empathetic. She gets that she made a bad choice....read on.

Chispa yelled "surprise" and I went upstairs. She'd put stuff in our room (which is off-limits, sigh.), so she started sobbing that she wants me to be happy. I pointed out that when she knows the rule is "No going in Mommy and Daddy's room without permission", that's not going to make me happy. So I helped her redecision it, and we agreed that making the surprise be in the office was better. So I helped her move everything. She set up sort of a shrine at the door of many of her most treasured treasures, and yellow traffic cones (as yellow is my favorite color). Her favorite stuffed bunny, her most treasured hibiscus flower clip, a red balloon, her ceramic tea set, her badminton set, and her new treasure box w/jewels game. She told me "I put all my heart in it Mommy."

She was sobbing as she said then it wasn't a surprise. I rocked her in my lap and told her I really loved that she'd set up all her most important treasures for me. I told her that sometimes a party is just as fun if it's not a surprise, and that I even know some adults who don't prefer surprise parties! She said she wanted me to take the mad away, and that I couldn't make my happy be there now. I told her I could, because I wasn't so mad.

Then she decided she wanted me to measure her on the growth chart where we were. So I did. Then she started sobbing that she wished she was 3 like the last time she allowed me to mark her chart. I asked her why. She said then she wouldn't have to have that "bad behavior problem".

So I held her in my lap a whole bunch and we rocked, and I told her that she had the power to fix the bad behavior problem. Babies can't do that much. She said she wished she were a baby or a spark in the universe (what we call before being born or after life), or a 3 year old. I told her that sometimes I thought it would be easier too. But I couldn't magic trick myself into being a baby. So we could choose to do lots of fun, happy joyful things together. And that the good news was that she had the power! She has the power to tell her brain and heart and mouth to make GOOD choices. And to tell Changa or her friends to YES listen to the teacher, or Mommy, or make good choices. And that each year as we get older, we want to learn to make better and better choices. She seemed to feel better about it. We had a big long private snuggle and talk.

Poor Chispa, I think it's hard to be her. I'm still puzzled where to go from here...